How to Start a Good Conversation with a Stranger?
All you know about the person next to you is what you put together from their appearance and behavior, mixed with your life experience, beliefs, and knowledge. The weather seems a reasonable topic at this point, and the only one. But here are some other convo starters to consider when talking to a stranger:
- Where have you enjoyed traveling or visiting?
- What is your favorite holiday destination?
- What are you currently reading?
- What movie series did you binge-watch recently?
- What do you like to do for fun?
- What do you not like to do for fun?
- I like coffee in the morning. Are you a coffee or tea person?
- Is there anything you're looking forward to?
- How are you today?
- It’s been a long day/week for me. How was it for you?
- Did you hear the news last night? Any good game?
- That’s a nice scarf you have. Are you into fashion?
- I saw such a good movie last night. It was … Have you seen it?
- This food is great. Have you tried other Asian cuisine?
- Today was a good day; something surprising happened to me. How would you rate your day out of 10 so far, and why?
- What’s one thing that surprised you about today?
- I like a cooked lunch. Do you enjoy cooking at home?
- Do you know where the toilets are? Thank you. Was it the most embarrassing question you were asked today?
- Boring Tuesday, isn’t it? What would you rather do instead of this?
- What do you do for a living? What would you do if money weren’t an issue?
How to Start a Deep Conversation with a Friend
When talking with friends, colleagues, or people you’ve met before, the conversation may flow more freely than when talking to strangers on your commute train or carpooling. In this scenario, you are not interested in small talk but in deeper conversations that help you get to know each other more profoundly.
- What are you most proud of?
- I know you are a cool guy, which is inspiring. Let’s talk about your latest outdoor adventure.
- Are you into outdoor sports? Which ones?
- We’ve known each other for some time, but I don’t feel I really know you. What would you like people to know about you?
- You work so hard! What makes you get up in the morning?
- I know you’re struggling right now, so let me ask you this: if you woke up tomorrow having gained a new quality or skill, what would it be?
- Tell me more about your positive life experiences. What would be the one experience everyone should have?
- What’s the nicest compliment you’ve made or received?
- What type of music moves you? What type of music makes you dance like no one’s watching?
- Would you like to see a picture of my pet?
- What’s keeping you busy today/this week/recently?
- Anything weighing on your mind today?
- Are you concerned about well-being, such as nutrition, mental health, or fitness?
- You have such an interesting name; I’m sure it has a story behind it.
- You'll never guess what just happened to me. Do you have time for a longer conversation?
- I love that about her/him. What’s your opinion on the matter?
- I really admire that about you. What’s your story?
- I know a lot about you, work-related, but nothing about your family or personal life.
- Do you have a bucket list?
- I admire your work ethic. What are your life values?
Fun Questions to Ask as a Conversation Starter
Sometimes it is easier to start a conversation with a joke or a funny question, but pick the situation well. In an official situation, asking someone what their superpower would be may not be appropriate. However, in a relaxed, friendly environment, you can be as weird as asking whether the interlocutor prefers cheese or ham.
- What’s the one thing in your house you know you have to get rid of but still don’t do it?
- What’s the weirdest place you’ve visited?
- What’s your worst vacation destination?
- Sweet or savory?
- Rom-coms or SFs?
- Hamburger or sandwich?
- Fries or ice cream?
- What’s the soundtrack of your personality?
- You have a time machine. Do you go to the past or the future?
- What’s something that definitely doesn’t make you laugh?
- I give you one million dollars. What do you do with the money?
- What thing would you like to be famous for?
- What’s the one thing you are terrible at?
- What’s the biggest lie you ever told?
- What’s your all-time favorite board game/movie/book/song/band?
- Would you rather speak in public or dance in public?
- What’s a very normal and common thing to do that you’ve never mastered?
- What would you like to know about me but don’t want to ask?
- How do you handle toothpaste/ketchup?
- What’s your secret comfort?
Deep Questions to Ask as a Conversation Starter
If you aren’t into fluffy conversations or funny questions, and you want to ask deep questions and discuss topics that you value, this is the category for you. When you open yourself up and are honest about your beliefs and opinions, you create room for connection. You invite people to be human again and forget the social limitations and biases. Vulnerability is never easy, but it’s the way.
- What’s the best question you were ever asked?
- What’s the best/worst decision you made in your life?
- There are so many things I would change about our society/world. What’s the most important change for you?
- Have I raised any red/green flags for you? What signs are you seeking?
- What helps you deal with overpowering emotions and breathe easier?
- Do you meditate?
- What values do you believe in?
- I know this situation is important to many, but I find myself asking if it really is that big of a deal. What do you think?
- I recently read a few books on emotional intelligence and self-help. Are you interested in the matter?
- How does success look for you?
- Are you happy? What is happiness to you?
- What is love to you?
- What is faith to you?
- Are you a spiritual person?
- Would you change something about yourself? If you would, what and for whom?
- Do you have any life lessons you would like to share?
- If you could get one need met today, what would it be?
- What’s your relationship with nature?
- Where do you go when you need solitude? How about when you need solutions?
- How do you deal with space and time in your life?
Deep Conversation Starters
Not every conversation starts with a question. Sometimes you just pick one meaningful thing to talk about and simply start talking. The others join in, mesmerized by the energy you brought to the room. Of course, the following 20 convo starters aren’t for any situation or person. But once you get into the habit of having deep conversations, you’ll find yourself more often than not talking about what actually matters to you.
- Happiness
- Regrets
- Ways to change the world
- Nature
- Self-help/self-improvement
- Mental health
- Wellbeing and lifestyle
- Phylosophy
- Psychology
- Spirituality
- Love and relationships
- Literature
- Society and culture
- Life lessons
- Technology (not gadgets, but science)
- Mindfulness
- Animal welfare
- Ecology
- Education
- Family
Five Steps to Start a Good Conversation
Topics, questions, and conversation starters are all good, but you also need to know the methodology. It’s very similar to a recipe, and it may help you learn how to approach people, read the room, and select the best discussion topics for a particular person or situation. So, here are a few steps to get you through the process of starting a rewarding conversation:
- Use what you have at hand: It may be the environment, an action developing under your eyes, or the things you are dealing with, such as transportation, food, music, etc. Link the convo starter to what you and your interlocutor are experiencing right now.
- Create context: It may be too blunt to start a conversation with a question. Try to provide some context and let the person know where you are coming from. Don’t take them by surprise.
- Build a bridge on similarities: “I noticed you read a book. I’m a reader, too.” Rely on what you have in common rather than on what separates you. Be respectful and sensible, and don’t get too personal when it’s not the case. Deep conversations are for friends, not for strangers met in a bus station or at a work dinner.
- Be honest: Don’t talk to impress or pass the time. Care for what your interlocutors have to say and be open to their perspectives even when you don’t share their opinions.
- Speak and listen in equal shares: Constantly remind yourself that this is a dialogue. Not an interrogatory, not a monologue. How much you share and how much you ask the other person to share should be well-balanced.
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Related: How to make friends as an adult.