100 Funny Quotes About Life to Lift Your Mood on the Spot

Hilarious Quotes About Life

Here we go, life. These quotes are all about you and the endless ways you make us crazy and happy, and sometimes both at the same time.

1. "Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!" - Charlie Brown
2. "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." - Elbert Hubbard
3. "Let us live so that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain
4. "When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’" - Sydney J. Harris
5. "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin
6. "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." - Charles M. Schulz
7. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito." - Dalai Lama
8. "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." - Will Rogers
9. "Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." - Dale Carnegie
10. "People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys." —Mike Bechtle

Very Short, Very Funny Quotes

Spare your memory of long quotes and awkward moments trying to remember them? Alright, we have short, funny quotes for people who like to write down their to-do lists and daily agendas. Have you tried journaling?

1. "I intend to live forever. So far, so good." – Steven Wright
2. "Reality continues to ruin my life." - Bill Watterson
3. "Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny." - Stephen Hawking
4. "Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans." - Allen Saunders
5. "Life is a lot like jazz… it’s best when you improvise." - George Gershwin
6. "I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allan Poe
7. "Trying is the first step toward failure." - Homer Simpson
8. "Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" - Edgar Bergen
9. "When in doubt, look intelligent." - Garrison Keillor
10. "Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back." - Oscar Wilde

Hilarious Quotes and Sayings About Work and Motivation

You have to love your work, but you have to love being on holiday more. There are corners of our hearts where no motivational speech can reach without a bit of humour and a laid-back attitude. If you want to give a pep talk to your employees or just start on a Monday morning, these are the funny, inspirational quotes for work you need.

1. "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Douglas Adams
2. "Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could." - Charles J. Sykes
3. "When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’" - Don Marquis
4. "You never become a howling success by just howling." - Bob Harrington
5. "There are no shortcuts to any place worth going." - Beverly Sills
6. "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." - Milton Berle
7. "If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock." - Claude MacDonald
8. "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing—that's why we recommend it daily." - Zig Ziglar
9. "Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you're finished." - Leslie Nielsen
10. "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas Edison

Hilarious Quotes About Family, Love, and Marriage

We all love our families, but on some days, we just need to take ourselves less seriously and focus on the positive. Instead of proving yourself right, prove you have a sense of humour and defuse the atmosphere with a funny comment, such as:

1. "Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard
2. "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield
3. "I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are." - Damien Fahey
4. "When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you." - Nora Ephron
5. "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." - Jim Carrey
6. "The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going." - George Carlin
7. "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." - George Burns
8. "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it." - Shirley MacLaine
9. "You can kid the world, but not your sister." - Charlotte Gray
10. "There is no such thing as fun for the whole family." - Jerry Seinfeld

Hilarious Quotes About Aging and Getting Old

The only way we can handle aging is by making fun of it, which is easier when you are not the one in the spotlight. Anyway, when you need to put getting old under the rug for a while, try thinking about these funny quotes:

1. "As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Norman Wisdom
2. "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens." - Woody Allen
3. "You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there." - George Burns
4. "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." - Lucille Ball
5. "The older I get, the better I used to be." – Lee Trevino
6. "You know you’re getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." – Hy Gardner
7. "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter." – Mark Twain
8. "Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese." – Luis Bunuel
9. "You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’" - Jerry Seinfeld
10. "Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint." - Markus Herz

Related: 40 time quotes to reflect and remember.

Hilarious Motivational Quotes

Motivation is what keeps us going, but how do we refill the motivation jar? Well, you can put a coin in every time you swear or keep your favorite hilarious motivational quote on a sticky note close by.

1. "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." – A. A. Milne
2. "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well." – Mark Twain
3. "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." – Oscar Wilde
4. "I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." – Jerome K. Jerome
5. "By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day." - Robert Frost
6. "If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it." - W.C. Fields
7. "Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays." - Mokokoma Mokhonoana
8. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?" - George Carlin
9. "The road to success is always under construction." - Lily Tomlin
10. "I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!" - Charles M. Schulz

Hilarious Quotes About Your Best Friend

Have a great, funny story about your best friend, but lack the time to tell it? No problem, choose a hilarious quote instead and portray them in just a few words.

1. "A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body." – Jim Hayes
2. "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’" – C.S. Lewis
3. "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
4. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me." - Garry Shandling
5. "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx
6. "There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test." — Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey
7. "When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’." - Groucho Marx
8. "It is the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected " - Charles Lamb
9. "There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends." - Sylvia Plath
10. "You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself, he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job." - Laurence J. Peter

Funny Quotes From Movies

You know when that guy in that movie with the thing said something funny to the other guy, the one with the hat? This category is about that, and what could be funnier?

1. "I’m not great at the advice — can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?" - Chandler Bing, "Friends"
2. "When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends." - Harry Burns (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally
3. "According to the map, we’ve only gone four inches." - Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber
4. "There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it." - Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
5. "My mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush." - Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy
6. "I’m not crazy – I’ve been in a very bad mood for 40 years." – Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
7. "If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer." - Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey)
8. "I’m sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself." - Hansel, "Zoolander"
9. "These men have taken a vow of celibacy, like their fathers and their fathers before them ..." - Topper Harley, "Hot Shots! Part Deux"
10. "There's no crying in baseball!" - Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks), A League of Their Own

Funny Quotes About Inspiration

Writing block, brainstorming, or just a boring day are all good examples of situations when we seek inspiration more than anything else. But that’s no reason to be down about it. We can still enjoy a funny quote.

1. "I remixed a remix, it was back to normal." - Mitch Hedberg
2. "There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full." - Henry Kissinger
3. "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball." - Patches O’Houlihan, "Dodgeball"
4. "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian." - Dennis Wholey
5. "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about." - Oscar Wilde
6. "The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it." -Terry Pratchett
7. "I could do everything he did but backwards and in high heels!" - Ginger Rogers
8. "Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else." - Margaret Mead
9. "Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes." - Oscar Wilde
10. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein

Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

Life lessons are hard to chew, but inevitable, so we can take them lightly and move on. A few funny lines or a message that includes a hilarious quote may lift the mood of those in need. So, keep these inspirational, funny comments in mind.

1. "I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom." - Bob Hope
2. "I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me." - Marc Maron
3. "The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him." - Oscar Wilde
4. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them." - Phyllis Diller
5. "Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." - Isaac Asimov
6. "People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." - Joan Rivers
7. "Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer." - Ellen DeGeneres
8. "Instant gratification takes too long." - Carrie Fisher
9. "Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid." - John Wayne